UPDATE:
I retitled this blog to more accurately reflect what I was trying to say. From what I read in the bible, it is only in temptation that
we will not have more than we can handle. (1 Cor. 10:13) But with
grief, heartache - our weakest moments when life is too much - we are
never told we won't have more than we can handle, only that we will not
go through it alone - He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake
you." Heb. 13:5.
We are told His grace is sufficient for us, His strength is made perfect in weakness. We are to have courage, and to trust in Him (2 Cor. 12:9, Is. 41:10.) For me, the only way to do that is to keep His word close, to meditate on it, and to have His people praying for me. Thank you, Lord, for the promises of your word and the prayers of your people!
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Original Blog:
This past week we were dealing with our son's constant pain from his illness, problems getting his medicines from the pharmacy, my meeting at MD Anderson with all the different doctors and then the first chemo treatment with the on/off side effects I am experiencing. This has considerably raised the tension in our house.
Unfortunately, yesterday afternoon this led to a rather unpleasant episode at our pharmacy when my hubby and I found out that once again, there has been a problem with our son's prescription and we would have to pay four times the price we paid just last month to pick it up!
My husband, who is usually so easy-going, just about lost it. He was declaring, rather audibly, how he felt about the situation and I, meanwhile, thought he was making a scene (probably me being over sensitive.) After a couple of minutes I rather loudly told Bryan to "Stop! Just stop!" Then I was embarrassed at how loud I was and ashamed at how our marriage must look to other people.
In that moment, it all seemed so pointless to fight cancer - it just may win after all. Fighting cancer, fighting Caden's Crohn's, fighting whatever our daughter has - it's all too much. Who do I think I am? Christian or not, it's all too much!
There are a lot of well-meaning people who say that God won't give you more than you can handle. That sounds good, but I don't believe it - never have. If I could handle it, why would I need God? I do have more than I can handle, my family has more than they can handle! Even the Apostle Paul had more than he could handle as he asked God three times to take the 'thorn' from him. (2 Cor. 12) But God told Paul “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
I - my family - we are weak. We need the prayers of God's people, we need His strength to handle all the many battles we are facing. We need to trust that He will provide it as He has promised:
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Isaiah 40:29
Christine,
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for God to give your family relief. I agree that it's really hard to see that we are not given "too much" because sometimes life seems way too hard.
I pray He will chose to give you all peace and healing and relief from this valley.
Too much, too much, too much!
ReplyDeleteHow often have I told God this, with tears It is just too much! Not just illness and the devastation it brings, but the stress on the marriage and the children--how it turns upside down all that we thought was good and right--everything we were actually doing for Him--being a godly wife, for Him, raising our children, for Him, managing our home, for Him. Losing my hair--too, too, much!
So now--what does He want from us--if He doesn't want all these things we were doing for Him?
He is leading--He wants us to follow. In faith. He is always answering our prayers--with all that He allows. He may be answering our prayers for ourselves, our husbands, and especially our prayers for our children. How much do we prevent His wonderful work in our children's lives by our meddlesome, overprotective mothering? How much do we prevent God's work in and through our husbands because we're masking our self-will as "submission?" He may be taking our marriage to a whole new level of perfection--something we could have never visualized, but we prayed for it, didn't we? And what about those prayers for ourselves--to love Him more, to please Him more, to be closer to Him? What about prayers to be humble, and not prideful? Nothing like a little hair loss to take care of that...
Oh, yeah. The only way to please Him more is to become less. Nothing like a little deadly disease to make us less. Thank you, Lord.
And the only way to please Him is to have faith.
Nothing like sitting in a chemo chair, sitting in a sleepy Benadryl silence, and having nothing to go on but faith. Faith that He is good, and that He knows what He is doing, and that most of all, He loves us. Thank you, Lord.
Faith that He is exactly who He says He is: He is Good, He is Love, and He holds all things together with His power. j
Faith that when I think it's too much, He knows more than me, and I trust that He knows that it is not too much. It is exactly what I must have. It is what I need.
And it is all and only because He loves me.
Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are they that mourn. Blessed are the meek.
Blessed. Because we need Him, we have no hope other than Jesus Christ, and we have nothing but faith that He is who He says He is--because absolutely nothing else makes sense.
Blessed, because it is not now remotely possible to lean on our own understanding.
Blessed. And loved.
Yes. It feels like too much--but I will take anything my God wants for me. No questions asked. No discussion necessary. God is good, and that is that.
In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God, in Christ Jesus, concerning you.
Thank you, Lord, for EVERYTHING. Including this illness that you have allowed. You can have my strength, my health, my body, my LIFE.
What? You already bought me? Oh yeah.
Prayers continue for us both. Fervent is an understatement.
And I'm pretty sure once I meet Him, I'm going to wish He was harder on me.
But it is still too hard at many moments. And the One who, on the eve of His crucifixion, prayed so desperately and agonizingly that He sweated blood... He understands. It was even too hard for Him at moments. He doesn't mind when we tell Him it's too hard, and cry, and hurt, and yell. He made us to feel those things--we couldn't learn what He wants us to learn without feeling those things, and He understands. And all the while we are safe in His perfect, loving hands.
And you hit the nail on the head when you realized that if it wasn't too much, than we wouldn't need Him.
ReplyDeleteBlessed.
God bless you, Camilla! Thank you for the post!
ReplyDelete