God's Love

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had a fleeting thought of why me? I have been a pretty good person, I never deliberately ever try to hurt anyone, I'm still married to the same man for almost 24 years, I go to church, I read my bible, I pray. Besides, my kids already have their own medical problems; cancer is the last thing this family needs! As always, God speaks to me by His word, and this is the passage that he used:

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities...

As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Psalms 103:10,12 

God is not dealing with me according to my sins. No matter how good I think I have been, I'm still a sinner. The fact is, I deserve cancer. Period. But this isn't from God because He will never deal with me according to my iniquities. As His child, He has already removed them from me - as far as the east is from the west. This cancer isn’t from God and I can rest assured that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Donations from some very generous people!

The night after my first chemo treatment was a difficult one. I had just started having some nausea when my son's Crohn's (read more about that here) started flaring badly and he was in so much pain we thought we were going to have to take him to the ER. So I didn't take the new nausea medicine as I wanted to be as clear headed as possible for what might lie ahead. 

The good news is, after putting out a call for prayer (yeah for prayer warriors who stay up late!) his pain started fading and he did not have to go to the hospital. The bad news is my nausea started coming in waves all night long. But thankfully by morning, I felt much better. I was weak and shaky, but able to make it to the next doctors appointment - the dermatologist to check out the lesions on my forehead. And more good news - the lesions are not cancerous, just some type of skin condition. 

When the dermatologist found out I had breast cancer he wanted to specifically know what kind, but I couldn't tell him as they haven't given me an official diagnosis yet! It was kind of funny, he said "They had to tell you something" and I replied "Yeah, that I have a rare form of breast cancer" and he looked at me like I was crazy. So, I told him how it was only in my lymph nodes under my arm and they couldn't find it anywhere else and the biopsy tissue cancer looked like it was from the breast. (Apparently, cancers look like where they originate from - lung, ovary, liver, etc.) 

The doctor said he supposed it was possible. Then he continued to say that it's well documented that melanoma can sometimes appear in a spot, but the body somehow fights it off and then later it will manifest itself in a lymph node. So he supposed I could have developed breast cancer, my body fought it off, then it manifested itself in my lymph nodes. One thing I've noticed, doctors are very curious people (in more ways then one. ;)  They are always wanting to figure things out, which is a good trait for a doctor! 

In other news, my nausea was almost non-existent yesterday. I got pretty tired early, though, and went up to bed at about nine. Didn't get up until almost noon today! I didn't sleep the whole time but felt pretty tired. When I first got up I felt pretty good, but the more I move around the worse I'm feeling. I already have a mouth sore, my joints are starting to hurt and I just don't feel right. My chemo book said this would happen, but I was hoping I'd have a few more treatments before it would kick in.

My chemo book also has a checklist of things I'm supposed to do every day now; shower with mild soap, use moisturizer daily, gently brush teeth, floss only if I usually do and do not go into gum area, use a baking soda rinse three times a day, wear slippers to protect my feet, protect your skin from sunlight by wearing a hat and long sleeves (yeah, in a hot Texas summer) and on and on. Apparently, chemo is hard on the skin.

I started trying to do everything this morning but forgot moisturizer, so I guess I need to make a daily checklist. If my soreness gets worse I guess I'll have to take the pain meds they gave me, which I'd rather avoid, as it is a narcotic. (They make me feel weird.) But, enough complaining. 

I'd like to thank some very generous people who gave me the items pictured in the photos above and below. I have been so busy with all my doctor visits that it has been difficult to get everything that I am supposed to have on hand from my chemo book. Two lovely friends tag-teamed and got the word out, then gathered up the supplies to help me. People even put in some things for my teenagers to help keep them happy. There is also a beautiful handmade blanket and head-coverings so now I am ready for when I lose my hair! Thank you so much to all those who donated! You will never know how much it means to me - may God richly bless each of you!

Beautiful tote bag, tray and other items!

Blanket, scarves, gift card, book, footwear, lotion, notebook! Wow!