Rough Day

Not a good day today. Having the shakes and muscle spasms. In fact, I had them all night which made it difficult to sleep. Waiting on the doctor to give me some advice on what to do or give me some new meds to take. I don't know if it's the pain medicine or chemo or withdrawal from the nausea medicine that I don't need at the moment.

I'm not to clear-headed either and it seems difficult to see sometimes. I don't know what to think about it all, could use some prayer, thanks!

A Good Session Today

Bryan 'reflecting' on my meds 

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

...The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.

Psalms 34:8,15

Thank you for the prayers, today was much better than last week!

The nurse this time took over 30 minutes to infuse the steroids which are given to help block any reaction to the chemo. Then, she waited another 30 minutes before starting the chemo. I did not have a headache like last week, in fact, I barely had one at all and it went away fast. She said they must have given me the medicine too fast last time to cause a headache like that.

Then when my IV, which she put in my arm this time leaving my hand free (unlike last week,) started stinging and hurting she told me that sometimes it does that when the drip is too fast so she slowed the drip, which helped a lot. I did not have nausea and was even able to eat lunch without a problem!

I did start feeling a little nauseated by about 2:00 but I had remembered to bring my pills so she said it was okay to take one and I have not had any nausea since! Thank you, Lord!

Today's nurse was in another department as they were too backed up in the first one and sent me over there. I wish I could ask for this nurse every time! I guess I'm going to have to start being aggressive. Some of you may laugh because of my 'standing up for what I believe' has been known to 'ruffle feathers', but I really do not like confrontation and try to avoid it whenever possible. However, it may be time to tell them to slow down because I don't react well to a 'fast' infusion.

A good friend brought over a homemade rice and chicken dish that was delicious! We all loved it and the homemade bread that her daughter had made, too. That really hit the spot - especially with Caden! After we had our 'slice' he claimed the rest, drizzled it with honey then took it to his room to eat all by himself. I think he was making sure no one was going to ask for a bite! :) It's good to see him eating, he needs to gain a few pounds again.

Well, I took my pain meds for the first time tonight as apparently the chemo is what's causing my back spasms and pain that's keeping me from getting the sleep I need. And tonight will be round the clock nausea medicine to keep that at bay since Caden is doing better this week - he still is having symptoms, but it may be the antibiotics he's on, so please keep him in your prayers.

Will check in again soon and let you all know how I'm doing - if there are any other side effects. The next big thing is my port surgery on July 3rd followed by my third chemo treatment. Two down, fourteen to go!

I Am Weak, HE is Strong

UPDATE:

I retitled this blog to more accurately reflect what I was trying to say. From what I read in the bible, it is only in temptation that we will not have more than we can handle. (1 Cor. 10:13) But with grief, heartache - our weakest moments when life is too much - we are never told we won't have more than we can handle, only that we will not go through it alone - He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Heb. 13:5.

We are told His grace is sufficient for us, His strength is made perfect in weakness. We are to have courage, and to trust in Him (2 Cor. 12:9, Is. 41:10.) For me, the only way to do that is to keep His word close, to meditate on it, and to have His people praying for me. Thank you, Lord, for the promises of your word and the prayers of your people!

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Original Blog:

Isn't it just like Satan to attack just after you've been praising God for how He has provided for you? 

This past week we were dealing with our son's constant pain from his illness, problems getting his medicines from the pharmacy, my meeting at MD Anderson with all the different doctors and then the first chemo treatment with the on/off side effects I am experiencing. This has considerably raised the tension in our house.  

Unfortunately, yesterday afternoon this led to a rather unpleasant episode at our pharmacy when my hubby and I found out that once again, there has been a problem with our son's prescription and we would have to pay four times the price we paid just last month to pick it up!

My husband, who is usually so easy-going, just about lost it. He was declaring, rather audibly, how he felt about the situation and I, meanwhile, thought he was making a scene (probably me being over sensitive.) After a couple of minutes I rather loudly told Bryan to "Stop! Just stop!" Then I was embarrassed at how loud I was and ashamed at how our marriage must look to other people.

In that moment, it all seemed so pointless to fight cancer - it just may win after all. Fighting cancer, fighting Caden's Crohn's, fighting whatever our daughter has - it's all too much. Who do I think I am? Christian or not, it's all too much!

There are a lot of well-meaning people who say that God won't give you more than you can handle. That sounds good, but I don't believe it - never have. If I could handle it, why would I need God? I do have more than I can handle, my family has more than they can handle! Even the Apostle Paul had more than he could handle as he asked God three times to take the 'thorn' from him. (2 Cor. 12) But God told Paul “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

I - my family - we are weak. We need the prayers of God's people, we need His strength to handle all the many battles we are facing. We need to trust that He will provide it as He has promised:

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Isaiah 40:29

God's Love

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had a fleeting thought of why me? I have been a pretty good person, I never deliberately ever try to hurt anyone, I'm still married to the same man for almost 24 years, I go to church, I read my bible, I pray. Besides, my kids already have their own medical problems; cancer is the last thing this family needs! As always, God speaks to me by His word, and this is the passage that he used:

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities...

As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Psalms 103:10,12 

God is not dealing with me according to my sins. No matter how good I think I have been, I'm still a sinner. The fact is, I deserve cancer. Period. But this isn't from God because He will never deal with me according to my iniquities. As His child, He has already removed them from me - as far as the east is from the west. This cancer isn’t from God and I can rest assured that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Donations from some very generous people!

The night after my first chemo treatment was a difficult one. I had just started having some nausea when my son's Crohn's (read more about that here) started flaring badly and he was in so much pain we thought we were going to have to take him to the ER. So I didn't take the new nausea medicine as I wanted to be as clear headed as possible for what might lie ahead. 

The good news is, after putting out a call for prayer (yeah for prayer warriors who stay up late!) his pain started fading and he did not have to go to the hospital. The bad news is my nausea started coming in waves all night long. But thankfully by morning, I felt much better. I was weak and shaky, but able to make it to the next doctors appointment - the dermatologist to check out the lesions on my forehead. And more good news - the lesions are not cancerous, just some type of skin condition. 

When the dermatologist found out I had breast cancer he wanted to specifically know what kind, but I couldn't tell him as they haven't given me an official diagnosis yet! It was kind of funny, he said "They had to tell you something" and I replied "Yeah, that I have a rare form of breast cancer" and he looked at me like I was crazy. So, I told him how it was only in my lymph nodes under my arm and they couldn't find it anywhere else and the biopsy tissue cancer looked like it was from the breast. (Apparently, cancers look like where they originate from - lung, ovary, liver, etc.) 

The doctor said he supposed it was possible. Then he continued to say that it's well documented that melanoma can sometimes appear in a spot, but the body somehow fights it off and then later it will manifest itself in a lymph node. So he supposed I could have developed breast cancer, my body fought it off, then it manifested itself in my lymph nodes. One thing I've noticed, doctors are very curious people (in more ways then one. ;)  They are always wanting to figure things out, which is a good trait for a doctor! 

In other news, my nausea was almost non-existent yesterday. I got pretty tired early, though, and went up to bed at about nine. Didn't get up until almost noon today! I didn't sleep the whole time but felt pretty tired. When I first got up I felt pretty good, but the more I move around the worse I'm feeling. I already have a mouth sore, my joints are starting to hurt and I just don't feel right. My chemo book said this would happen, but I was hoping I'd have a few more treatments before it would kick in.

My chemo book also has a checklist of things I'm supposed to do every day now; shower with mild soap, use moisturizer daily, gently brush teeth, floss only if I usually do and do not go into gum area, use a baking soda rinse three times a day, wear slippers to protect my feet, protect your skin from sunlight by wearing a hat and long sleeves (yeah, in a hot Texas summer) and on and on. Apparently, chemo is hard on the skin.

I started trying to do everything this morning but forgot moisturizer, so I guess I need to make a daily checklist. If my soreness gets worse I guess I'll have to take the pain meds they gave me, which I'd rather avoid, as it is a narcotic. (They make me feel weird.) But, enough complaining. 

I'd like to thank some very generous people who gave me the items pictured in the photos above and below. I have been so busy with all my doctor visits that it has been difficult to get everything that I am supposed to have on hand from my chemo book. Two lovely friends tag-teamed and got the word out, then gathered up the supplies to help me. People even put in some things for my teenagers to help keep them happy. There is also a beautiful handmade blanket and head-coverings so now I am ready for when I lose my hair! Thank you so much to all those who donated! You will never know how much it means to me - may God richly bless each of you!

Beautiful tote bag, tray and other items!

Blanket, scarves, gift card, book, footwear, lotion, notebook! Wow!

First Chemo Day

Today wasn't too bad, I guess. I was supposed to get a port - a device surgically implanted under the skin that will be used from here on out to take blood, infuse the chemo and give me any other medicines/contrasts that I need intravenously. It helps 'save my veins' from repeated use. If you want to know more, you can find that info here, but I warn you, it can be icky, especially if you're like me and don't want to see or hear most medical procedures and explanations. But they MADE me WATCH and listen so I can sign the consent forms or they won't help me!

Anyway, they called a couple days ago and told me I was not going to get the port after all because two surgeons decided to take a vacation. When I got there today I was told that these surgeons went to a 'conference.' Sounds much better than 'vacation,' right? The dear doctors are so dedicated to the health of their patients that even on their time off they keep educating themselves on the best way to treat us. Can they help it if the conference happens to be in Hawaii, or the Bahamas?  Not that I'm bitter (to borrow a phrase.)

Fighting Nausea

No, I don't really know where the conference is, but that's the evil thought I had. Not very Christian, I know. Everybody needs a vacation and I would want my surgeon relaxed and happy, not mad and stressed that he hasn't had a vacation in four years, like me. Ok, I'm whining...moving on.

I had been told I would get Benedryl to counter any reactions from the chemo, but when I got there they gave me a steroid - Dexamethasone - instead. I don't know why - they said the doctor ordered it, a strong dose, they said, and that was that. Not really knowing anything I went with it - I don't know how this works!

They gave me the steroid over 30 minutes, but I got a headache at the back of my neck almost immediately. I was pretty sure it was the steroid, but I've had worse so I didn't make a big deal out of it. I thought I told her I had a headache, but Bryan said I didn't, he said he was the only one in the room when I mentioned it. 

So she never knew about my headache until later, when about 5-10 minutes after they started the chemo - Taxol - I started getting nauseated - not real bad - but bad enough. She immediately stopped the infusion and talked to the doctor then gave me an anti-nausea medicine. It worked pretty quick, but when I told her that my headache was gone, too, she looked surprised then was a little stern telling me I should have told her any symptoms I was experiencing. I honestly thought I had, but when Bryan told me later that it was just him in the room. Why he didn't tell her, I don't know. Sometimes, I think this is effecting him more than me!

IV in Hand. Not Fun!

But it has always been that way, when I was pregnant, he craved pickles! Today, when I felt nauseated, so did he and when they put the iv in the back of my hand his hand started hurting! He's a very empathic man.

Well, it has taken me quite a while to write this tonight. I tried to lay down when we got home and although I was very tired, I didn't sleep much. When I first got up from my 'nap' I felt exhausted! Like something is wrong but I don't know what. I have a little more energy now but it's waning fast. My next infusion is June 27th, then the port surgery is July 3rd with another infusion. 

Tomorrow, I have to go to my local dermatologist to get two lesions on my face checked out. MD Anderson told me to go to the local doc and if he thinks it's anything then I will see their skin doctors. So here's praying tomorrow will turn out to be nothing but my age showing! 

As always, your prayers are much appreciated!

Haircut Day

Just before my haircut

My Hubby and I - 1988

Today, a sweet lady who, despite living a hard life, has a very tender heart and  gave me a cute short haircut. This new hairstyle will better suit me for when I will lose all of my hair from the chemotherapy treatments.

My daughter, Cara, age 13

I have had very long hair for most of my life. In fact, it has not been shorter than my shoulders since I can remember! To make a positive out of a negative, I sent my long ponytail to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for children who have lost their hair due to illness. 

Me - June 19, 2012

Amazingly enough, my daughter donated her own hair a few years ago to an organization that makes wigs for women who have had cancer and lost their hair through chemotherapy. It's a nice thought to think that if I get a wig, it may contain my daughter's hair!

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. 

Psalm 62:8

The Team

Ok. Late this afternoon I sat in a small doctors room, in one of their lovely gowns, and had SIX doctors, besides my main doctor, walk in (there would have been more but others stayed in the conference room to go over the pictures. Besides, not many more would have fit in that small room!)  

They were very nice and shook my hand while introducing themselves and their specialty (pathology, radiology, etc.) Then, the head doctor told me to sit on the examining table. 

Maybe I should say now, that if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, I might have been a wee bit embarrassed by what happened next. But as it was, I needed a definitive diagnosis on what kind of cancer I have, if it has a point of origin, and if it has spread.

So, trying to never mind who saw me 'nekkid' from the waist up (uh, everybody) I was hoping those assembled for the privilege of viewing my boobs would be able to come up with just exactly what is wrong with them. And the head doctor believes he knows what it is.

Apparently, I have a rare form of breast cancer that is found only in the lymph node under my arm. Normally, when a cancer is found in the lymph node it is either lymphoma, (very treatable) or has spread from some other place (metastatic - very bad.)

They knew right away from the type that it wasn't lymphoma, but it has the characteristics of breast tissue. However, they couldn't find any cancer in the breast area anywhere, or in my neck, shoulder, bones, abdomen, etc. So, they were stumped as to where the point of origin is or if the lymph node was the point of origin, which is nearly unheard of.

However, when they consulted the Medical Director of the Breast Center, (a professor) who incidentally, wrote a paper (or a book, I can't remember) about this very rare cancer ten years ago, he knew what it was and almost seemed excited to meet me. In fact, he later said it might be time to write another paper about this rare cancer.

So, with the consultation of all the team members and his expert medical opinion, I have been diagnosed with a rare breast cancer that has manifested itself in the lymph nodes under my left arm. One is now the size of a golf ball, (his words when he examined me today. I knew it had grown even more in the last few days as it has become so uncomfortable to sleep even on my right side now.) He said my doctor made the right call in starting my chemo this week!

The treatment will stay the same as originally discussed - six months of chemo followed by surgery, then six weeks of radiation of my upper left area, including my breast. At first they were thinking I would have to have a mastectomy, but the professor said he doesn't think there is any need for that, as any cancer must be microscopic or they would have found it. So he thinks radiation and then some type of pills after that should be sufficient to eradicate any tiny cancer cells.

My doctor said I am now on a 'five year list', which I'm assuming means that if I make it clear at five years I am considered a survivor. My head was spinning by this time with all the information, so I will try to find out more about that later.

Rained again in Houston

I do feel better after meeting with the team and the professor today. I'm still scared of chemo and radiation, but I know with God's grace and your prayers I will get through this. I will keep you all updated, please keep me on the prayer lists!

Am I Not Sending You?

If you have a moment, you should check out this blog: Heritage Creek. Debbie S. is a friend of mine and she wrote a powerful message that really spoke to me! 

My daughter and I

In this blog she talks about God sending Gideon on a mission that he feels totally inadequate for (see Judges 6.) God tells Gideon, "Go in the strength that you have..." But Gideon felt like he didn't have any strength. He responded by saying, "My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."  I feel just like him because I'm a nobody, the least of His people, and I'm scared to go on this journey.

I don't have the strength to face cancer, I really don't! That's why I titled my blog 'With Strength' - not because I have it but I'm trying to 'gird' myself with it. I am encircling, surrounding, enclosing myself with the prayers of His people and the power of His word - trying to find the strength for what is ahead.

But then my friend mentions what else the Lord said to Gideon - "Am I not sending you?" and "I will be with you....." Wow, those are powerful words from the creator of everything. "Am I not sending you?" 

Would I rather Him be sending someone else? You betcha! Didn't I tell you I don't have any strength? I don't want anyone else to have this horrible disease, but I don't want it either! However, I am reminded of another passage of scripture:

"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." 

 - Isaiah 41:10

With me, strengthen me, help me, uphold me. - What more can any of us ask for our journey?

Perspective

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”

Recently, I asked for prayer for God to open my eyes on how to use all our family's medical needs for His glory, instead of me whining about how much money it's costing and what I'm missing out on because I can't spend that money on other things - like a second car, or a 'real' vacation, etc. A very kind lady told me that God was already opening my eyes, and that is true, to a certain extent.

Unfortunately, I'm still a very self-involved person, and when I see people taking vacations when we haven't had one, sending their kids to college while I'm still taking mine to the doctor, or looking out at our ONE car when everybody else has two, or (gasp) even three or more - I get upset! I'm supposed to be content, but I'm jealous!

So often, when God speaks to me, He uses scripture that I have 'hidden in my heart'. Lately, I have been thinking about Peter in John 21, where Jesus told him to feed His sheep, but Peter turned around and pointed out another guy and wanted to know what that guy was supposed to do. However, Jesus told Peter not to worry about what the other guy was supposed to do. He told him concentrate on what I (Jesus) want you to do. 

That is what God is telling me - stop looking at what other people are doing/having/going and go/do/have what I am telling YOU. Right now, that's cancer, chemo, and multiple doctor visits for my family. Why? God isn't going to answer that, He just wants me to walk this path - I HAVE to walk this path, I don't have a choice. The only choice I have is my attitude. Ouch!

Asking Why is a Waste of Time

Maybe I should have titled this blog 'The Welborn Family Medical Journals'! Sometimes, it seems that's all we ever do - go visit doctors!

We just arrived home from a two-hour trip to Caden's GI doc in the Woodlands. (For those who don't know, my son, Caden, has been battling Crohn's disease for six years, and not very successfully. His case is so difficult that no local doctor will see him, they told us we have to go to Houston.) 

The doctor put Caden on extra meds for the next two weeks because of his bleeding. After that, if he isn't any better, he wants to send him to another doctor who will put him in clinical trials for experimental drugs as there are no more 'approved' medicines for Caden to try-he's been through them all! 

With Caden's record for bad reactions to medicines, that is something I'd like to avoid. We'll pray and see what God's plan is for Caden in two weeks.

Double Rainbow

Next up, a visit to my gynecologist, another ct scan, a planning session with my oncologist and team, my first chemo, an appointment with my dermatologist to get two lesions checked out and next month my daughter goes to Texas Children's to see two specialists. 

We did see a double rainbow on the way home today. What does that mean? - God is God and I'm not and that's all there is to it!

Just Got Home!

Rain, Waiting, and a Bandaged Arm.

Wow, it has been a very long day! The good news - they don't think it's Metastatic! They think it's breast cancer only, which can be cured! Thank you, Lord!

In all the other tests they could not find evidence of cancer anywhere - no point of origin nor has it spread to any other areas. So, what they once thought was in my lymph node may just be breast tissue that is reaching way back under my arm. There is, however, one more CT scan she wants to do - checking out my ovaries and bladder area, even tho it is highly unlikely that the cancer would manifest itself from there to under my left arm.

Right now my doctor thinks it is a Stage 2 or 3 with a high grade (fast growing) cancer. She will be assemble her 'team' of specialists on Monday afternoon - the surgeon, the radiologist, the pathologist and others - may be a dozen altogether, with me in the room and all my test results. They will review, debate, and go over what they each think about my cancer and treatment as my case is an unusual one.

I will, however, start chemo next Wednesday, June 20th, for twelve weeks, and if my tumor is shrinking, then start a different kind for twelve more weeks (six months total.) After that, it will be surgery, then radiation (unless they decide different on Monday.)

Thank you so much for your prayers, and please keep them coming! I've heard some good stories about chemo, and not so good, but God is still God of it all, right? I know I'm not the first person to have cancer, and I don't want to be a baby about it, but I still need the prayers of God's people! It means so much to me to know you are all praying for me. God bless each of you very much!

D-Day

Riding on a Shuttle

Tomorrow, June 13th, is 'D-day' - Diagnosis day. I will find out if MDA's pathologist agrees with the original diagnosis of Metastatic Breast Cancer.

I will also see if they found the point of origin (or not) and if the cancer has spread to more than the lymph nodes under my arm. Then I should have my prognosis and treatment schedule and find out if the chemo, which was tentatively scheduled for June 20th, is still on.

It will be late tomorrow before I find out anything, as I don't even meet with the doctor until 4:30 in the afternoon (I have an MRI in the morning) so I will update as soon as I know anything. As always, prayers are very much appreciated!

First Three Days of Testing

Berry Smoothie Barium. Yum!

I have just finished three days of tests at MD Anderson. I had to have two surprise fine needle aspirations yesterday after another ultrasound of my breast area showed a teeny, tiny, about as small as you can get, spot on my breast. The radiologist said he thought it was probably benign, as most breasts have something like this, but since they still haven't found a point of origin, he needed to get some tissue samples to see if it was cancer.

I reluctantly agreed. I didn't think it was anything either, since no one had mentioned this tiny spot before (I had two sets up mammograms nine months ago, bunches on May 24th, and another huge set just the day before, and an ultrasound of the same area on the 24th - all were clear.)

Unfortunately, the place was so small he had to do it twice, which wasn't too bad, the core needle biopsy under my arm had to be numbed, this didn't even need numbing, it just felt like a sharp stick. That is, until he put in the metal tag to show where he had taken the biopsy. That HURT! The nurse said afterward he had to use a little bit bigger needle for the tag. Why the heck didn't he numb it then?! OUCH!

They said I would get the results in 10 minutes. Wow, at St. E. it took two days and then I had to wait thru the Memorial Weekend holiday. Eight minutes later he comes back and says it's benign. He did say he was sorry, but they are desperately trying to find the point of origin. He said that hopefully the MRI I am to have on the 13th of June will show something.

By the way he talked, it seemed like he had looked at the other test results and they still didn't show the origin. But that's just guess work on my part. I will know more when I meet with my doctor Wednesday afternoon after the MRI tests and all the others are reviewed.

So, this past week I have been poked, prodded, drank barium, had iv isotopes inserted, chest x-rays, core-needle biopsy's, two fine needle biopsy's, a clip put in, have passed out completely from a blood pressure drop and when I woke up I didn't know where I was, I have had more mammograms than you're supposed to have in a lifetime, oh, yeah, and an iodine flush. If I didn't have cancer before, I would probably have it now! If you see a green glow from the west end of Beaumont, that's me! And this is before the rough stuff starts!

I also had an echocardiogram to see if my heart can handle the chemo, which is tentatively scheduled for June 20th. I will know more after meeting with the doc next Wednesday afternoon. As always, prayers are much appreciated.

My Cancer Diagnosis

M.D. Anderson Cancer Center

On May 14th, the day after Mother's Day, I felt a small lump under my left arm. It was about the size of a small birds egg, or a marble, but it was egg shaped. I knew it was a swollen lymph node and thought I was fighting an infection.

One week later I could tell it was bigger, so thinking I needed antibiotics I saw the Nurse Practitioner at my doctors office. She immediately ordered a mammogram and ultrasound at St. E the next day. When the radiologist saw the results, he wanted to biopsy it right away, taking three core samples and said it would take two days to get the results from pathology. That was on May 24th. I started getting nervous, as the nurses and doctor started having an undertone that seemed very serious, despite their try at casual banter and humor.

It was a long holiday weekend so I had to wait even longer than usual. On Tuesday, May 29th, when I had heard nothing all morning, I started making calls myself to find out about the results. Finally, later that afternoon a nurse from my doctors office called.

Caden, Cara and I were in the car headed toward the mall. We had dropped my husband off at our very hot house to wait for the a/c guy as our air went out the day before - Memorial Day. Then the phone rang - the call I had been waiting for. I pulled over into a Market Basket parking lot and answered the phone.

The nurse did not want to tell me anything. She just wanted me to come in and meet with the nurse. I knew that was bad, but unable to wait any longer I told her I had to have the results now. She asked if I was sure and I practically yelled 'Yes!' She then said she was authorized to tell me that I had poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma. But then she said the results were inconclusive. What?! It sounded like cancer to me! I told her that the radiologist said it would be clear from the pathologist report, either cancer or not. "So," I asked, "is it cancer?" She finally admitted it was, but they didn't know what kind.

I hung up the phone. We were sitting in our hot car as the a/c in our car doesn't like to work if it isn't moving. I sat still for a second and the kids were quiet. Then I buried my head in my hands and rocked back and forth, crying, "I have cancer, I have cancer." How could this be?

But it was hot, we were sweating, and I didn't want my kids to be any more scared than they were. So after about 30 seconds, I told myself out loud to 'suck it up' and get the car moving so we could cool down. And I had to call my husband and give him the bad news.

Back out on the road I called Bryan, who was silent while he received the news, but for some reason I kept apologizing. I felt really bad that he had to go thru this. Bryan loves with his whole heart, and I knew this would be hard on him. This is a man who never wants to spend time away 'with the guys,' he always wants to be with me. And if I can't be with him, he doesn't want to do it. We were looking forward to our 25th wedding anniversary next year. Now I found myself wondering if we would see it.

The kids and I decided to go by the church, as we were all shook up. It would be cool there and we could ask for prayer. So we stayed there until Bryan said the a/c guys had fixed the air. So we picked him up and went to his parents. You know why bad news loves company? To get comforted.

The next day I did get the final pathology report: Metastatic Breast Cancer - cancer that originated in the breast and has spread elsewhere. Not a good diagnosis and strange as well, since all my previous mammograms did not show any lumps or irregularities at all in that area, nor did the ones they did just before biopsy and ultrasound during the biopsy.

I decided to go to MD Anderson for treatment. MDA at first could not get me in until June 14th - exactly one month since I first felt the lump. But at the rate it was growing, I was nervous and asked for prayer from anyone and everyone. God answered that prayer and I was able to get in on June 6.

The doctor at MDA, after reviewing all my past mammograms and ultrasounds, had some concerns. First, it is rare for breast cancer to originate from the breast but to not show in any image. Not unheard of, but  rare. So she wants to confirm the point of origin because that effects treatment. Usually these things take weeks to test and go over, but at the rate of growth of the tumor, she has expedited the tests. God had to intervene again as I was told our insurance has a mandatory three day wait for any of these tests, but they came back today and approved all of them instantly.

I will have another mammogram, bone scan and ct scan of the chest area on Thursday, June 7. On Friday, I will have another ultrasound and echocardiogram to make sure my heart can handle the chemo. Then on Wed, June 13th, I will have an MRI of the chest in the morning and meet with the doctor late that afternoon to see if they found where the cancer originated and what treatment plan they have put in place.

The doctor at MDA did warn me that I am most likely looking at six months of chemo, surgery and then other drugs. I should know more by next Wednesday.

I would thank everyone for their prayers, I believe that's the only way this treatment plan has moved as fast as it needed to. My in-laws, Randy and Gayle, have been a wonderful help thru all this. I had no idea how much help I would need  just to handle whats happening right now.

Also, please keep praying for my kids - Caden's Crohn's has not been good these last few weeks, and Cara is having some issues to where she may have to see the doctor next week as well. But  I have seen God answer prayer and know he will direct us where we need to go - with the prayers of God's people. Thanks again, and God bless you all!