Beautiful Lady

When I'm with someone in person I don't talk a lot about how I feel, but when I write, I sometimes think I reveal more of me than I should. And that can lead to confusion, which is my problem, not yours - I need to work on my communication skills.

For example, a few posts ago I revealed a lot of inner feelings, but from some comments on the post and through private messaging, points seemed to be made that I wasn't trying to convey at all. So, I shortened the post dramatically, leaving just the first part and retitled it 'Rainbows.' I think it goes over much better now. ;)

That's the problem with me writing and knowing what to say and what not to say. I'm afraid that I will say too much and hurt someone unintentionally, especially my family, when I'm just trying to convey feelings. I really need to study writing a lot more than only what I did my senior year in high school (and I won't say how long ago that was - but we were still doing actual carbon copies on the typewriter in my 'secretarial skills' class!)

On to MD Anderson. Today, there was only one minor problem. I didn't have them access my port first because of time constraints so I went to the blood center to get an old-fashioned blood draw. When the lady took my blood through my vein, after inserting the needle she thought she had it in the right place, but when the blood didn't flow she MOVED THE NEEDLE INSIDE MY SKIN. Ouch! It's left a pretty good mark and bled for a bit, but didn't hurt for long. I think the thought of it moving inside my skin hurt more than the actual doing of it! Maybe.

But that was the extent of the problems. The pre-meds were infused at the right speed and the Taxol (chemo drug) was as well, so no problems of after that, which led to a pretty good day.  Better than last week when they started my port but had a problem with the flow return, which happens 'once in a blue moon.' She worked it out and everything was okay, but it was tense - she was, I was.  *Sigh.

So, when I went back out to sit with Bryan, I suddenly started crying. (He didn't go with me this time as I had told him I would be fine. :/ )  I guess the stress just hit me - every week it's something new to deal with - something unexpected, some bad reaction that may be serious, some new test that has to be ordered. Even tho everything has worked out ok, it's hard to deal with all this new stuff and still have the peace of God. I guess that's something I have to work on, or that God is working out in me. Peace in the midst of the storm.

But it did lead this beautiful 83 year old lady to talk to me. She was just so happy and had a great outlook on life even tho she was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 47, a year younger than I am now! She talked to me and the beauty of her spirit (and she was beautiful on the outside, too) was just amazing to me!

Me, coming home from MD Anderson today!

This gist of what she said was "I have handled this for 25 years, you can, too." I hope I can with as much grace and spirit as I saw in her! God sent her to me as a special gift and I'd like to thank Him for it:

"Thank you, Lord, for bringing her into my life, and for her charm and grace while having a life threatening disease. Please give her many more years and let her life touch many more others!"

It reminded me how God is always looking out for me. He brought me this lady with an encouraging word just when I needed it. Isn't that great?!

"For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you 

nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say:

“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. 

What can man do to me?”

Heb. 13:5-6