The Plan

The Pastor of our church has a saying; "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him you have a plan." 

I had a plan earlier this year - it was going to be a 'me' year. I felt I had put all my energy, all of anything I wanted, all of my plans on the back burner while raising our kids. Then I had helped my son deal with his Crohn's disease for nearly six years, and had been doing everything in my power to help my daughter figure out why she was having fainting spells and other health issues (which we just found out on July 11th what was wrong.) It wasn't like I was going to quit being their Mom, but I was definitely going to be doing more of what I wanted and not so much cooking or looking after their interests. If any of you know me you would understand how difficult it was for me to put myself first instead of my kids. But I managed to push aside the guilt and get started.

Traveling home from MD Anderson

The first thing was to lose some extra pounds I had put on in the last few years. I had never spent money to do that, I've always tried to lose weight on my own. However, I decided to join Weight Watchers online to give myself more motivation. I was actually spending money on me! I was going strong and staying within the guidelines very well and losing weight, albeit slower than I wanted, but still losing.

The next item on my checklist was I would get my very own bike. My whole life I have never had a bike that was all my own. When I was young I had to share a bike with my older, and much taller sister, or borrow one of my brother's bikes, but I never had one that I could call my very own. 

The last few years I had wanted to buy a bike for myself but I kept putting it off because my kids don't even have their own bikes at the moment (they outgrew what they had.) So, once again, 'mother's guilt' took over and I couldn't buy myself a bike when my kids didn't even have one!

Anyway, I didn't want to go bicycling all by myself - it wouldn't be as much fun. But there never seemed to be enough money for four bikes, helmets and whatever else was needed to furnish four people with proper bikes and safety gear all at once. Then my husband suggested we just get two bikes - one for me and one for him. That way we could ride together. Seemed kind of wicked, but he won me over, after all, isn't this supposed to be my year? So, that was the plan - we were going to get us bikes at first, the kids could borrow them until we could get them their own bicycles later. Sounded like a good plan!

On to the next item of my agenda for me - getting my hair in a completely new style. (Oh, the irony!) Add a makeover and taking better care of myself by always wearing makeup every day - maybe even going to a manicurist for the first time in my life, and taking good care of my skin by buying the best lotion and using it after every shower!

I'm sure he didn't 'plan' on being the shopper now!

I had always wanted to take dancing lessons with my husband. Dancing with Bryan was one of my most romantic ideas. We did dance for the first time (in public) last year when we were checking out a band for his parents 50th Anniversary party. I loved it!

Maybe it's that I'm approaching 50, but the more 'me' time was about doing things I had never done before - I wanted some changes in my life.

Well, change is definitely here, but not in the way I had planned! Oh, to be fair, some things on my list are happening - I have a radical new hair style, I am showering every day and putting on lotion to keep my the chemo from drying out my skin. My nails are looking pretty good at the moment. I can't go for a manicure but I have to keep my cuticles in good condition to prevent cracking and infection, so for the first time ever I'm using a cuticle brush and cream daily to keep them in top shape. 

Dancing and biking have been put off for awhile. So has Weight Watchers. Makeup - forget it! Most of the time they don't want me to wear any to my appointments so they can check my skin and I don't go out as much anymore so...it seems pointless to wear it.

One week I lost four pounds but gained back three the next week. This is only the first of the chemo sessions. My doctor tells me the next one will be tougher - when I start the 3 in 1 treatment, FAC - it has a lot of not so nice side effects. The weight loss then might be more dramatic.

It is the year of me, but not in the way I had planned. I am getting some attention, but it's not the same. I must have made God laugh with all this 'me' business. And the one thing I forgot was to ask Him what His will was for me this year. I had made my plans, but I didn't inquire of God. 

Amazing Sky!

In Joshua chapter nine there is a very interesting story about how the men of Israel were deceived into making a pact with their enemy. The important part is in verse 14 - "but they did not ask counsel of the Lord." They made the pact without inquiring what God's will was for them. I had made my plans, but I forgot to ask God what He wanted me to do this year. I hope I don't make that mistake again.

*     *     *

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, 

buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. 

For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.  

Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 

James 4:13-15