Weak Spots

Another Rainbow, Right over our Church Today!

Well, I've made it through the roughest part so far. It's really weird how the muscles in my belly and jaw would contract then release for about 36 hours straight! (see previous post) 

It finally quit on Saturday morning leaving me with a very sore stomach and all of my teeth sore and hurting. The worst of the shaking subsided as well on Saturday, but I still wake up every morning shaking pretty good. Maybe that part is the narcotic pain medicine? Of course, I'm guessing at everything, but then the doctors seem to be doing the same thing. They said my symptoms were unusual and that's why they wanted me to go to the emergency room if the muscle contracting didn't subside. 

But I don't even know where the ER is at MD Anderson and didn't want to go anyway. And my Chemo book, that they gave me, said muscle spasms can be a side effect of chemo. So why is my case unusual? I already have a rare kind of cancer, do I really need unusual side effects as well?  -.-

I had thought that it may be the pain medicine making my muscles contract, but even after not taking it for 12 hours I was still having contractions and by then in a lot more pain. So, I took a second muscle relaxer - (shhh, don't tell anybody as the triage nurse told me to wait until the next day to take one but I was desperate and did not want to drive all the way to the emergency room. Besides, they would have probably done the same thing! : P )  

The second muscle relaxer seemed to help, or maybe whatever was causing the contractions was finally easing off. Or maybe it was withdrawal from the strong steroid medicine they were giving me before they start the Taxol (chemo drug). It does have withdrawal symptoms that are similar to what I was experiencing, however, I didn't have them the first week of chemo.

This week I get my port and will have my third Taxol treatment. I am hoping they will be able to cut back on the steroid amount, as they said they usually do after a few treatments. Please pray that I don't have any bad side effects this week. I'm already having to take pain meds more often than I thought as the chemo is affecting any weak spot in my body, like joints, and what seems to be the weakest spot so far - my right lower back area. It hurts nearly continuously, even with meds, and without meds I can barely walk! Never knew I was in this bad of shape.

I have decided to start reading a devotional called Battlefield of the Mind. I am catching myself, again, watching people go about their daily lives and getting jealous all over again that my life is so altered. With so many physical problems sometimes it seems so hard to believe this verse:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, 

against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, 

against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 

Eph. 6:12

But God is showing me that as with Job, the battle may seem physical, but is actually spiritual. Just as Satan tried to get Job to 'disown' God by bringing much physical pain on him, sometimes our pain is to try and get us frustrated and angry with God as well, destroying our relationship and testimony. 

I'm hoping this new bible study will help me stay focused through the physical pain - that God is good, He is in control and He will help me fight this spiritual and physical battle.

Still, I ask for the prayers of God's people that the pain and muscle spasms will not be like they were last week! :)  Thank you, prayer warriors! May God bless each of you abundantly this week!