So I'll sum it up; I'm sick of cancer - I don't want to have it anymore. I don't know how I'm going to face 18 more weeks of chemo and I'm afraid the next set - the FAC - (one is known as the Red Devil) - will give me permanent heart damage.
The bills are starting to roll in, if I thought it was hard making ends meet with two kids and all their medical problems it's impossible with cancer. Even with insurance.
Cara's last year of school was supposed to be this next year (I homeschool - or did, anyway.) Cara will have to homeschool herself now or go another year before she graduates. How can I make plans when I know I will be unavailable at best - or dead at worst? Morbid, I know, but that's what I've been thinking, to be totally honest.
Next year was supposed to be a big year for our family - Cara is turning 18, Caden 21, Bryan 50 - all big milestones. Our 25th Anniversary is next year, too, or is it? I don't know anymore.
no Christine you need to vent all your feelings out. If you hold them in it will consume you. No one knows what you go through on a daily basis, knowing you have cancer and being a MOM is alot to deal with.Just remember that all the venting you do lets all your friends know "you are a human" remember WE all LOVE YOU DEARLY and GOD will be walking with you through this. Tami Fuller
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tami! I love you!
DeleteThe wonderful part about being a child of God is that he loves us no matter what.He understands our failings and he loved us enough to know that when he sent his Son to die in our place ...that some days we would not appreciate life .I know you are STRONGER THAN THIS CANCER ...THAT YOU LOVE GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART .He is there and cares .You Can't help but be down some days .Don't beat yourself up about this .I would be doing a lot more of that if I were in your place for sure .Wish I had answers and could solve all these things but I don't have the knowledge or means ...all I can do is lift you up in prayer and tell you I'll help with what I can .Praying for peace and joy in this storm .I know these words do not help but I am crying with you and Bryan and calling out to God for relief..
ReplyDeleteGayle Welborn
Thanks, Gayle! I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law! I am so glad you are here to help me through this. God bless you!
DeleteI will listen to you cry, vent, kick, scream ANY TIME! I will help you ith Cara's schooling. Doug is gone M-F so that will free up my evenings. I just asked the other day about a bank account to where people could donate money. Has anyone started a fund? When my frind Tara had breast cancer her friends sold tshirts to raise money. I want to do ANYTHING I can to help you! I love you....I remember one time before when I first met you that you were sick....look what became of that! You moved in with us nd met Bryan! God is using you and you can't even imagine what good things have already come from this. You are amazing and YES you are allowed to complain!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have asked for a better cousin! Several people have talked about having a fundraiser and we even have a business man client who is willing to help out. It just hasn't gone any further yet. Bryan's brother had talked about setting up an online donation but I was waiting to see about the fundraiser. I'll write or call you and we'll talk further. And thanks for the offer about Cara's schooling - I'll take you up on that - I need all the help I can get! I love you, Cuz!
DeleteI think it's funny because I got Doug at Market Basket and I got you at Wal-Mart! Retail pays off! I live you too and I'll do ANYTHING I can for y'all!
DeleteChristine,
ReplyDeleteIf you can't be honest on this blog, then it's not worth having:)
I bet what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Who wants cancer and medication and changed plans? I hate all of that for you!
I pray that we, as your friends and family, will know how to help you and will be the sounding board that you need.
I actually feel helpless on this side of it - but I know I can pray and that's what I'm doing.
I hope you have a glimpse of joy when you wake up in the morning:)
Debbie, knowing you are praying for me lifts my spirits and is what I need most of all right now! Today has been much better - thanks for the prayers!
DeletePraying my sweet sister! Daily and everytime God wakes me up. We love you on all days, good or horrible.
ReplyDeleteI love you, too, Jo! And I need the prayers so much! God bless you!
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