A Little About Me, Part 3

(For Part 1, click here. For Part 2, click here.)

I had made the deposit and first months rent on a place that I had hurriedly picked out to lease after learning my parents were moving back to Ohio. And although it was against their wishes, I spent the next couple of weeks trying to find someone to co-sign for the electricity so it could be turned on before my parents finished packing up and moving out of Southeast Texas. But no one was willing to help me.

The Church Youth Group I worked with Back in the Day

After vehicles breaking down, freezing rides back and forth to work and hurting my leg falling off the back of a pickup truck, I had thought I could rest for a couple days while I figured out my next move. But when I went to make a meal for my brother and I, we found nearly all the food had been packed up and taken to Ohio with my parents.

Stunned, and out of money, I asked my brother what he thought we should do. He said he could shoot a squirrel in the back yard and clean it, if I would cook it. I agreed and we had squirrel along with a little gravy I made with the rest of the flour and oil, along with the one can of greens left in the house.

Maybe my parents hadn’t realized how little food was in the house when they left for Ohio. Or maybe they thought I would get my deposit back and use that to buy food when we ran out. Whatever the reason, I think they were unprepared for how stubborn I could be.

When it came time to go to work again another cold front had come through the area. I called a friend who lived right behind Walmart and begged to stay with her for the night so I wouldn’t have to ride the motorcycle in the freezing weather so early the next morning. She was reluctant, maybe expecting that I might never move out.

But in the face of my pathetic begging and guaranteeing she wouldn’t have to feed me or keep me for more than one night, she relented. I was so relieved, but also, to tell the truth, a little put out that I had to beg so much for help. It really went against my nature.

That night my brother drove me to Beaumont. We had no more food left in the house and hadn’t eaten very much that weekend. I asked him if he would be okay and he said he would be fine, that he would go to a friends house and they would feed him. I was glad for him, but didn’t know what I would do, and actually, at that point I was so tired and depressed that I didn’t really care about eating or what would happen or pretty much anything.

The Youth Group at a camp in Colorado.

After he dropped me off I dejectedly climbed the stairs and trod reluctantly to my friends door, feeling like a beggar, unwanted and uncared for. Just tolerated for old times sake.

I knocked on the door, fully expecting to just go in and go straight to the guest room so I wouldn’t be a bother to her. However, she was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. She was warm and welcoming, talking and showing me around her apartment. I was so surprised that I couldn’t even talk at first, all I could do was nod as she showed me around. Here I had thought she didn’t even want me to come visit but she was acting like we were the old friends I had thought we were.

It was late, but she was fixing a spaghetti supper with homemade sauce for us to share. It smelled wonderful. I tried to act like everything was normal but I was having a hard time keeping back the tears. The thought that I was unwelcome must have all been in my head. I had a great fellowship and supper that night and went on the strength of that the next couple of days.

Not eating at work, I would grab a bite at home of whatever food my brother brought back after visiting with his friends. But by the third day I was so hungry that when I was sitting in the break room at Walmart, I asked one of my coworkers if she was going to eat her bread from her lunch. Surprised, she gave me the bread but then asked questions about what was going on with me and when I had last ate. Not wanting to be rude but also not wanting to tell her everything, I basically replied how I had car trouble and no money for food the last several days and just needed to make it to payday later that week.

Not thinking any more of it I went back to work but before I left for the day, my coworker came to me and pressed some money into my hand. She had talked to a few other employees and they had all contributed to give me cash to get through until payday, and they didn’t want me to pay it back. I was surprised and humbled. What a great group of people I worked with! 

My Blue Belt Rank

God had provided, even without me asking, but what little faith I still had! When my parents returned they steadfastly refused to help me and in two days time we were to be out of the house.

I went to the bathroom, closed the door and sobbed. Tomorrow I would have to get the money back from the landlord and move to Ohio with my family, all because I couldn’t find a co-signer for the electricity! I couldn’t believe something so small could keep me from what I so desperately needed.

In the midst of my crying I asked God for help. What could I do now? I couldn’t handle this, wasn’t there anybody who would help me? Suddenly, this name popped into my head. It was the name of someone who wasn’t even a Christian. I knew to him to be an agnostic, at best. It was the name of my former karate instructor.

I was so surprised I quit crying. ‘I couldn’t ask him, he wasn’t even a Christian’, I thought to myself. ‘Could I?’ But the name came again and immediately I felt this peace. Yes, I could ask him.

So the next day, I asked him and he immediately said yes, he would be happy to help me. Imagine that, someone who wasn’t even a Christian was more willing to help me than anyone in the church or even my parents, who all professed to be Christians, were willing to help me.

I should have realized at the time how God had led me to the one person who would help. But the devil never wastes an opportunity and made sure I dwelt on the fact that it took an agnostic to be willing to help me when all the so-called Christians said it was their duty not to help me. The devil is deceitful and will use any and all means to cause strife among God’s people. It took years for me to resolve this seeming conflict of supposed ‘good’ people not helping but a ‘bad’ person who did help.*

Very quickly, the papers at Gulf States were signed and the electricity was turned on in the little trailer. On the same day that my parents and the rest of the family left for Ohio, I moved out into my first place alone. They warned me that I wouldn’t make it, they told me there would be no one to call if anything happened. But they graciously left me the car to use thinking that it wouldn’t be long before I changed my mind and came running back home.

Little did they know I didn’t think that far ahead. I never once considered that no one would be around if the car broke down or what I would do if someone tried to break into my house. These thoughts never crossed my mind, which is very surprising considering the worry wart I turned out to be later in life.

The car my parents left me to use when they moved to Ohio. They later gave it to me.

At the time all I could think of was how happy I was. I did it, I moved out! I finally could come and go as I please, dress as I please, clean up after only myself and eat whatever I could afford. I had freedom for the first time in my life - and I never looked back.

*2 Corinthians 10:5