A Little About Me

I have always been a very private person. You may doubt that considering how much I share on this blog, but it’s true.  However, through a series of *messages about the prophet Jonah, I feel God wants me to open up more about myself. So today, I am giving you a little glimpse into my life, 27 years ago, about a year before I met my husband.

Me, in the mid to late '80's.

I was 22 years old and still living at home, but longing to be out on my own, making my own decisions and going to the church of my choice. I love my original family, but we never saw eye to eye on church, the bible, clothes to wear, pretty much everything.

At the time I was working full-time for a dentist, but I never had any money. I wasn’t spending it on myself (except for clothes I had to have for work) nor was I paying off a car. In fact, I didn’t have a car, I was using my parents vehicle.

The reason I didn’t have any money was that my Mother required I turn over my paycheck every payday. She said it cost that much to feed me every week. I had never grocery shopped, so I didn’t know how much in groceries I ate up and felt guilty I was such a drain on their finances. So every payday I dutifully signed over my check and got money back to pay for gas to go back and forth to work. (Later, when I finally moved out, boy was I upset at how little it cost to feed one person every week! All those years I felt guilty for nothing!)

One day, a friend of mine, who was a couple of years older, told me she was moving out from her original family because she couldn’t take it anymore – she had to have her independence. That gave me an epiphany – I could move out, too! (Neither of us had boyfriends at the moment so marriage was not on the horizon, nor did it look like it would be for quite some time. Back in those days, that was about the only reason a woman would move out of her parents home. Rarely did they ever live on their own. It wasn’t considered ‘safe’ or something a modest woman would do. At least in my family.)

I started getting excited about having freedom for the first time in my life. I knew that that is what I had to do as well, to save my sanity. But, wait, I didn’t have money saved up like she did. My mom took my entire paycheck every payday. What could I do?

Talking to my Mom or Dad about moving out was out of the question. They made no bones about it that a woman could not live on her own. Also, it was clear that I owed them my paycheck because of how much I cost. There would be no negotiating about me keeping money back for my own future.

After thinking it over, I decided that I would have to start squirreling away money. And the way I decided to do that was to deposit part of my check in a savings account first, then bring the rest home and lie about how much I made that pay period. Yep, that’s right. I lied. I made up some excuse and didn’t feel bad about it at all. I was just nervous about getting caught.

At the next payday, when Mom questioned why I had cash and didn’t have the paycheck, I told her I decided to cash it first then bring it home and gave whatever excuse I had come up with about why I had less money. I remember thinking she’s going to be really mad and demand I bring the paycheck to her first. I held my breath as she pondered what I said, but she just took the money and walked away. Wow, she believed it!

For the next several months I squirreled away as much as I could without her getting suspicious that I was withholding money. (She may have known, looking back on it now. But what could she do? Legally, I was entitled to all my money. If only I had realized that then!)

Me, again!

I was still a long way away from having enough for a deposit, plus the 1^st month’s rent and electricity deposit...when the unthinkable happened. My parents had decided they were moving back to Ohio. And they were taking the whole family with them.

I was devastated. I had been uprooted from everything and everyone I had ever known seven years earlier to come across country to live in Texas. A place where everyone had a funny accent, ate strange food, called soda pop ‘coke’ and thought 'I' talked funny. But Texas had grown on me (it does that, doesn’t it?) It was now more my home than where I had grown up and the thought of moving away from everything I knew and loved, again, filled me with dread.

My family started packing as I frantically pondered what to do. I calculated what I had in savings and decided my next paycheck was all mine – damn the consequences! They were moving away and I was staying here. I needed that money myself, now.

I had enough saved for rent and I didn’t care about food, so that left only electricity. Gulf States (as Entergy was known then) had said if I could get a co-signer then I wouldn’t need a deposit. Maybe my parents might cosign if they saw how determined I was to stay? I was getting older and surely they were tired of taking care of me. It was time to tell them about my plans to move out.

While they were packing, I nervously entered the room. How would they react? Would they be mad when they found out I had money that I didn’t turn over? Would they be glad to finally be rid of me? Might they even be supportive and understanding of my need to stay in Texas?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

*Harvest Ministries - Jonah and the Whale Series