I’m a whiney. Not wine-o, but whiney.
Just like a kid, I pout when I don’t get what I want. I
whine when I have to go to the doctor, AGAIN. I grumble as I pick up another
prescription and fuss when I have to interrupt my schedule to take it on time.
It’s not easy for me to admit. I’d like everyone to think of
me as this ‘model’ Christian who handles the problems life throws at her with
grace and acceptance. I want people to see such a stalwart faith in Christ that
they start to dance and praise the name of Jesus.
But instead, I’m a person who gets jealous when I read
Facebook posts and see people traveling, getting massages, meeting up for lunch
with their girlfriends, or moving into a new home, while I sit doing a
lymphatic massage and swallowing my meds. One day, I just sat and had a pity
party.
‘How unfair!’ I bellyached to myself. ‘I’m a good person,
I’m still with my first husband, I have been faithful, I stayed the course, yet
I’m the one who’s stuck at home taking prescriptions and ordering more for my
kids. Where’s my blessings? When am I going to get to do something? Why can’t I
have a second car, a new home, a vacation?”
As I sat there grumbling inwardly, suddenly, this still
small voice came and said something that made me hush instantly
and sit up. The voice said:
“Okay, you can have everything you want and then leave it
all here when you go, or you can send it on ahead and have it for all of
eternity.”
I’m telling you, I got chills when I heard it. I was excited
and scared at the same time. Wow, God just talked to me!
And what a truth it was! Here I was pining for things that
were temporary gratifications instead of focusing on what really matters – what
will last for eternity. Too often I think life is about what I have or don’t
have but it’s really about what I’m focused on. If I’m focused on me, I will
never have enough. But if I’m focused on God, it will last an eternity.
“Looking unto Jesus the author and
finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the
cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of
God.” Hebrews 12:2
This is such a good message Christine. Thanks for being real. And don't worry too much about what others post in public. They have just as many problems as any of us. Maybe they just caught a break or God blessed them in an area they've been struggling with too. You never know.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debbie. Yes, there isn't any problem with what people are posting or doing, the problem is with me. I need to 'count my blessings' instead of making a mental list of things that are 'wrong'. And I'm still learning how to adjust to life after cancer treatment - it has cleared me of cancer so far but caused my body to break down in other areas.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have two adult children who still have their own medical problems that are keeping them from being independent so that's a little frustrating! But at least they are very talented so I have no doubt they will be very successful one day!
Christine, your post just made me cry, because you sum up how I feel so often, and end up crumpled in a humble heap, letting God remind me of the same things. I don't want health or riches here. Oh... won't he be even more glorified to redeem such a broken body, and to pour unimaginable blessings on the one who waited for Him? If I take it one day at a time, I can sacrifice it all willingly. Just today, mind you. Thank you for sharing. You were a great encouragement to me today.
ReplyDeleteCam Anderson
Wow, thanks, Cam, for letting me know that you were encouraged by this! It's always a leap of faith posting something so personal. And already I have taken a couple of hits this morning, but it's all about Him anyway, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you and give you peace and strength and hopefully, a respite as well!
I get angry instead of whiny... and you encouraged me because I just entered a season where I know I will not have respite... not for a while. but thanks to you, I am encouraged today to give my health to the Lord, willingly, without anger. Maybe I could actually learn to be thankful...I know He knows what He's doing!
DeleteI'm sorry you won't get a respite, so I will praying for strength for you!
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